What to Do When Your Family Faces Friction

EVERY family faces friction (both when the kids are in the home, as well as once they’re all grown and out of the house).  It’s a part of family life.

Sometimes the tendency is for there to be even more friction in the family once everyone is grown and on their own.  So when it happens (and it will… Didn’t I just say that?) here are some important things to remind yourself of:

 1) Remember, YOU’RE FAMILY.  In life, your friends and acquaintances will come and go, but your family is your family forever. God designed family to the be closest earthly relationships, so naturally these relationships have the potential to cause the deepest and greatest hurts.  No matter the cost, learn to do whatever is necessary to keep the communication open and the love alive between you and your family members.  While it may seem like a difficult or sometimes even impossible task, in the end it will be worthwhile.  Remember, you’re family.

2) Remember, THE DEVIL’S IN THE DETAILS.  Guess who loves to reek havoc in families?  Guess who likes to cause misunderstandings, and who relishes in getting us to read into things and take everything personally?  Satan is the great divider.  He caused division in the very first family, and has been doing a masterful job ever since.  God loves the family.  Satan hates the family.  And when things go awry, remember who’s really behind it all, and don’t give him the pleasure of seeing you bite the bait.  Remember, the devil’s in the details.

3) Remember, THE ONLY PERSON YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE FOR IS YOU.  So often, when we’re hurt by another family member, our naturally tendency is to hurt back, or at least respond by treating them differently.  Yet, one of the greatest things we can ever practice or teach our kids when it comes to being wronged is to remember, ‘you are only responsible for you.’  You can’t decide what others do to you, but you can decide how you respond to it.  You can choose to love unconditionally like your Heavenly Father does.  God will not one day judge you based on what others have done to you, but He will judge you based upon what you have chosen to do to them.  Remember, the only person you’re responsible for is you.

4) Remember, A LITTLE KINDNESS CAN GO A LONG WAY.  Consider Joseph’s family, one of the most dysfunctional families in the Bible.  Yet we see in Josephs’ life a perfect example of how to respond to being wronged, as well as how to overcome evil with good.  Joseph lived out the principles of Psalm 15:1 “A soft answer turneth away wrath.” and Romans 12:21 “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” There’s still great value is doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Pray for them, overload them with kindness, and see what God can do.  Remember, a little kindness can go a long way.

5) Remember, GOD CAN SOLVE WHAT YOU CAN’T.  There are no new answers in the Bible.  God has given us all the answers we need, it’s just up to us to believe them and practice them, and then let God do what we can’t.  But the question we need to answer first is this, ‘have we done what God expects of us?’  Have we exercised long-suffering?  Have we removed the beam out of our own eye?  Have we intentionally chosen forgiveness over bitterness?  Since God has no new answers, we must first do what God requires of us, then trust Him with the rest.  Remember, God can solve what you can’t.

Every family faces friction.  So, when your family faces it, what will you do?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.  Galatians 5:22-23

Why I Recently Had to Apologize to My 14 Year Old Son

When a parent should apologize to their child

Have you ever had one of those moments in your marriage where a fuse burns out, and you’re left with an unexpected situation on your hands of two people who just simply don’t see eye to eye?

Thankfully, this kind of occurrence is rare in our marriage, but nonetheless, on this day recently, it still occurred.

You see, there had been a meltdown in communication about a small detail of our family’s day, and that one small miscommunication snowballed into many other problems and emotions that followed.  And when it was all said and done, my wife and I found ourselves in the living room of our house, throwing insults at each other in an uncommon explosion of built up emotions.

In the course of that conversation, my wife told me something that I completely disagreed with, and I responded by forcefully saying, “Go away, I don’t even want to see you or talk to you right now. Just go away.”

While I knew that I was in no right frame of mind to keep talking at that moment, I also knew that the way that I had just handled myself was very foolish, selfish, and even disrespectful towards my wife.

To compound the problem, here are a couple of other details of the situation that day to consider:

  1. While this was happening in our living room, we currently had invited company over for lunch, and they were in the kitchen sitting at our table eating without us. (and sadly, probably overhearing us at the same time… Have you ever tried to yell at someone with a strong whisper? It doesn’t work out too well.)
  2. My wife was in a wheelchair do to a recent foot surgery she had, and so had very limited mobility to ‘go away’, even if she wanted to.
  3. As soon as I said those words, I turned around to see my 14 year old son sitting on the living room recliner behind me as I was having this heated conversation with my wife.

While all three of those things complicated our problem that day, the one that bothered me most was the fact that I had just disrespected my wife, and my son’s mother, right in front of his eyes and ears.

I’m sure you can understand my situation… For the last 14 years I have been intentionally teaching and training this boy of the importance of respecting girls and women in every circumstance, and had even recently corrected him for disrespecting his sister.  And in the heat of that moment, I had just undercut everything I had ever taught him… by my own bad example.

Needless to say, my heart immediately sank. I knew that I had blown it, and I had blown it bad.

In the hours that followed, I wrestled with what to do, both in response to my wife and to my son (not to mention our company still sitting in the other room).  I really felt like even though my reaction was wrong, I was still in the right.  But I quickly realized that none of that really mattered.

I knew that there was only one right thing to do – man up, swallow my pride, and ask for forgiveness.  And that’s exactly what I did. After calling my son into the kitchen later that day, I apologized to him in front of his mother for the disrespectful way that I had handled myself and treated her.  I explained to him that I was wrong. I was ashamed. I was sorry.  And that there was no excuse for my actions.

While I don’t know if my son will ever forget that day and what happened, what I do hope and pray that he never forgets is that a real man is able to admit when he’s wrong, make things right, and ask for forgiveness.

I’m the one who set the wrong example, and hopefully, I’m also the one who set it right.

Do you ever find yourself hesitant to apologize when you know you’re in the wrong?  Remember, your kids are watching you, and counting on you to get this right.

So… when should a parent apologize to their child?…

“When you’re in the wrong, and your child knows you’re in the wrong, you can’t afford to make the wrong decision.  Apologize.”

Who do you need to apologize to in your family?

How My 12 Year Old Daughter Reminded Me to Never Give Up

While our 12 year old daughter has many strengths, one of them is not the subject of math.

And it doesn’t help that both her younger and older brother can do math like a wiz with no problem at all.  This has been a real struggle for her, that sometimes seems insurmountable.

But to her credit, she’s not allowed it to get her down.  She has rather chosen to hold her head up, and stay determined to succeed in this area of her schooling.  I’ve been encouraged, challenged, and motivated by her “kick yourself in the pants and get over it” kind of attitude of confidence in the midst of a trying situation.

She’s done what I believe David did when he was “greatly distressed” in I Samuel 30:6, when the Bible says that “he encouraged himself in the Lord his God.” 

I remember those days, when school subjects and projects would consume my mind and my world. And I would almost wish that the world would just come to an end rather than have to face what seemed at the time like impossible tasks.

Well, things don’t get any easier with age, do they?…

As we get older, I think you’d agree that the things we faced as a child begin to pale in comparison to what we’ve had to face in “real life” as an adult.  Yes, we still face seemingly insurmountable circumstances, but it’s certainly of a different kind.

I’m not sure what the challenges are that you’ve faced over the past year, or are currently facing, but I’m sure that you have some.  It might be…

  • the loss of a family member that you love
  • the pain of a rebellious or wayward child
  • a job situation that seems impossible to reconcile
  • a relationship that only gets worse the harder you try
  • a prayer that still goes unanswered

While I don’t know your specific struggle, I’ll guarantee you that you do, and you’re probably thinking of it right now as you’re reading this. You may even feel like completely giving up.

I know that there were some areas in my life that I was considering ‘giving up’ in this coming year, but I was motivated to continue to ‘stay in the fight’ due to my daughters’ example.

May I encourage you with the strong words of my daughter to remember that whatever it is that you are facing…

“It’s a part of life.  Deal with it.  Never give up.  You can do it!”

I hope that you’ll be as encouraged by her spirit as much as I was, and that you’ll also find encouragement from these verses of scripture as well, to remind you of the perspective God intends for you to have in your life’s struggles and trials.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him.  Psalm 42:5

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.  Psalm 27:13-14

Have not I commanded thee?  Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.  Joshua 1:9

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13

As for God, his way is perfect.  Proverbs 18:30

Sounds like God is saying something that sounds a bit familiar – “It’s a part of life.  Deal with it.  Never give up.  You can do it!”  

Another year will certainly come with it’s challenges.  Praying that as you enter a new year God would grant you the spirit of endurance and perseverance through whatever you may face.

Even if it’s not you that needed to hear this today, maybe it’s somebody else… please share.

Faith & I on a Starbucks run after some paintball fun

12 Questions to Ask Your Kids Before 2017

My wife and I recently sat down with each of our children and asked them to finish this sentence…  “You feel most loved by me when _________________________.”

Here were their responses (in their own words):  I feel most loved by you when…

  • You notice when I do things right.
  • We spend time together by ourselves.
  • You ‘step up’ and do things with me that no one else wants to do with me.
  • You play baseball with me in the backyard.

I’d have to say, those were some pretty simple, yet really good responses that helped my wife and I to be reminded of the importance of making sure we are speaking our child’s love language in the way that they understand it best.

We asked them to complete that sentence as a part of 12 questions that we asked them as we enter into a new year.  I was blessed, surprised, humored, as well as pleased by some of their responses to those questions.

Today, I’m making those questions available to you and challenging you to make some time before the new year to sit down with each of your children and ask them these same 12 questions (or modify them to your liking if you want).

Have a pen handy and take some notes, and then make sure to discuss your child’s responses with your spouse (or ask them the questions together as a couple).  I guarantee you that if you’ll do this, you’re going to learn some important things about your child that will help you be a better parent for them in the coming year.

Taking time to listen to the heart of your child is one of the best ways you can gift yourself to them during this holiday season.

So, here’s your list of questions!

Have fun, and remember… you only get one chance to get this parenting thing right.  So make the most of it!

If you take the challenge, I’d love for you to let me know how it goes.  May God’s richest blessings be upon you and your family as you enter into 2017.  Happy New Year!

Dad, What’s Your Vision for Your Family?

Turning a God-given vision into a reality

When God made the family, he started by giving it a man – to lead it, to direct it, and to guide it.

This wasn’t by accident, but by design.  God knew that a family would need loving leadership and strong guidance to navigate through the tough waters of family life and growth.

But even though God gave the family a man, sadly, we still see many families who are lacking in confident male leadership.  Some men have abandoned ship, others are physically or emotionally absent, and some sadly just don’t care.  My heart goes out to all of the woman who are pulling double duty out of necessity to provide the leadership their family needs.

However, if you are a man, and God has given you a family, you need to consider them as one of your highest callings in life – the call to be a husband to your wife and a father to those precious children.  God has called you to lead, guide, and direct them.

And even more than that, God has called you to have a vision for your family and their future.


Which raises a very important question – Do you have a vision for your family?

Have you prayerfully considered what God would have you to do, and where God would have you to go as a family in the coming year?

You do realize that every single day, you are building something, right?  You are building not just a family, but a future.  You are building the very foundation of hearts and lives that will one day build that same foundation for future generations to come.

If I were to ask you, “What is your vision for your family?”, could you describe it, or articulate anything specific about it?…

Yes, I know you want to have a great marriage, and obedient, godly children.  But have you carefully thought out any of the details of making that vision a reality?

  • When you look at your relationship with your wife, how do you want it to be different a year from now… or 5 years from now?
  • When you look at your children, what things would you like to see in their lives and character in the coming year?  What about 10 years from now?
  • And what are you currently doing to help them to get there?

Are you taking spiritual leadership, headship, and overall responsibility of your family’s direction and future seriously?  Or are you just coasting through your marriage and parenting as if everything will just fall into place and work out okay, simply because you love God and have good intentions?


Godly families don’t happen by accident.  Godly families are built by Godly men – Men who are willing to do the hard work and pursue the sometimes painful process it takes to see their God-given family vision accomplished.

Have you ever seen an artist’s rendering of a building that’s not yet been built?  Obviously, someone had a vision in mind of what the end product would look like when it was completed.  They gave careful consideration to the many details that would be required to make their vision a reality.

I think the same can be applied to our vision as husbands and fathers.  Sometimes our hard work can seem more worth the effort if we keep in our sights a vision of the end product that we’re striving to build.

Seeing that vision become a reality might include any of the following:

  • putting date night back into your weekly or monthly schedule
  • implementing a family altar into your home of prayer and spiritual conversation
  • opening up better ongoing doors of communication with your wife and children
  • getting consistent in your discipline and expectations
  • getting on the same page as husband and wife about the vision for your children’s future
  • giving faithful church attendance the priority it deserves
  • starting a Bible study with one of your kids, or having some of those difficult conversations
  • scheduling time to simply have fun together as a family
  • saying no to other things and people, so that you can say yes to the things and people that matter most


How do you want 2017 to look different for your family than the previous year?

In what areas of your family life or marriage do you feel that God has been speaking to you and prompting you about recently?

What do you need to implement starting today to help your family accomplish your God-given vision for them?

Even if its just one thing, take a step in the right direction to implement it into your family life today.

Because men, no one else is going to step up to make your vision for your family a reality.  And honestly, no one else has the responsibility to… but you.

Step Up. Lead. Turn Vision into Reality. Go!

How to GIFT Yourself to Your Family this Christmas

4 ways to give your family what they really want for Christmas

Around this time of year, there’s going to be a lot of gift giving going on to show people that we love and appreciate them.  And of course, there’s no better people for us to show that to than our family members.

While Christmas is a wonderful time to express our love through generosity and gift giving, I’ll bet that there are some things that your family wants more from you than just more stuff.  Even more than they want all of the goodies that you can give them, they really just want more of YOU.

So, if you’d like to give them what they really want for Christmas, you have two options – you can either tape a big red bow to the top of your head and mummify yourself in wrapping paper, or… you can simply do these 4 easy things to G.I.F.T. yourself to your family:

  1. G-IVE them what they really deserve

You may think that they deserve that new outfit or a new toy, but the truth is that what they really deserve most is The Very Best of You.  Give your family the best version of you that there is.

Your kids deserve a parent who is engaged, present, kind, playful, patient, and unselfish.  Your husband or wife deserves a spouse that is understanding, helpful, flexible, romantic, generous, and sacrificial.

Gift yourself to your family this Christmas, and I guarantee you it will mean more to them than any other gift that they’ll find under the tree!  If you’d like more ideas on this, Here are 5 things your kids want from you at Christmastime more than just more stuff.

  1. I-NCLUDE them in your holiday planning

Let’s face it, Christmastime is a busy time of the year.  As you plan out your schedule and calendar, be intentional about what you do and don’t participate in.  And make sure your family takes top priority in such a way that they know it.

Here are a few good questions to consider as you plan out your December schedule:

  • Will participating in this activity keep me from giving my family the priority that they deserve?
  • What holiday activities can we participate in together as a family?
  • Which activities can we participate in that will create lasting family memories?
  • What can we participate in that will benefit someone other than just ourselves?
  • Which “useless” activities can we say no to, in order to say yes to something better?
  1. F-IND ways to make them feel special & loved.

Yes, you love your family, but how are you going to tangibly show it to them this December?  Here are some simple ideas on my list this month that may help you to get your creative juices flowing:

  • Get your daughter a Venti Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino from Starbucks. (This makes me a hero in the eyes of my preteen daughter)
  • Play some “NFL” football with your boys out in the freezing cold (just to keep it real).
  • Make your spouse a coupon book for the 12 days of Christmas – this could be practical or… otherwise. (wink, wink, Babe, if you’re reading this)
  • Sit down and have a one on one conversation with each person in your family, and honestly tell them in specific ways what they mean to you.

Whatever you decide to do, find some ways to “show the love” by gifting yourself.

  1. T-ALK about their dreams for the coming year

This is something that I’m excited about doing this month – sitting down with each person in our family, and listening to their heart.  This involves asking them honest and somewhat pointed questions about the past year, as well as their dreams and desires for the coming year. (If you’d like a sneak peek, you can see my list of questions here.)  I did this with one of our children already, and was pleasantly surprised by their honest and open feedback.

Sadly, sometimes as parents, we can get so busy with life, that we rarely stop to just sit and listen to our kids and what their hearts are trying to tell us.  They have desires, dreams, goals, frustrations, and struggles just like we do, and sometimes we don’t even know what all of those things are.  Maybe not because they won’t tell us, but because we haven’t taken the time to ask or to listen.

God has called us to help our family succeed, and one of the ways we can do that is by getting on the same page that their heart is on, and then gifting ourself to them by committing to come alongside in the coming year to help make those things a reality.

So, don’t just give your family gifts this Christmas, gift yourself to them as the greatest present of all.

And remember, Jesus is our ultimate example Who gifted Himself to a world that He loved… “For the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

What are some other ways that you plan to gift yourself to your family this Christmas?

10 Ways to Keep the Busyness of the Season from Getting the Best of You

How to prioritize your holidays and minimize your stress

Have you ever found yourself stressed out or stretched too thin during the month of December?  Me neither. 🙂


With the Christmas season heavy upon us, here are some helpful reminders for how to keep your sanity and make sure that you are in control of the craziness, and not the other way around.

1. Keep your priority on things to a minimum.  The last thing any of us need is more things, yet if we’re not careful and fail to be intentional, that’s exactly what the focus of the season will become all about.

2. Make family time a priority.  This time of year is the one time we are supposed to spend more family time, yet sometimes our schedules become so chocked full that the last thing our family ends up getting from us is our best.

“Some of us have made an idol of exhaustion. The only time we know we have done enough is when we’re running on empty and when the ones we love the most are the ones we see the least.”  – Barbara Brown Taylor

3. Remember that you are in control of your schedule.  You don’t have to attend every party, every Christmas program, or every community event that is happening. In fact, I’d strongly encourage you not to.

4. Choose to say ‘No’ to some things.  Decide in advance how much you are going to allow into your schedule during the holiday season and then stick to your guns and learn to say no to whatever threatens it.

5. Don’t overdo yourself in gift giving. One gift per person is really okay, no matter what your family’s income or your family culture. Even if you do more that one gift per person, don’t let materialism take over your family.

6. Don’t go into debt for any reason. Our desire to look good or be the better aunt, uncle, or grandparent often drives us to try and give bigger and better. Refuse to play that game.

7. Do something for someone else outside of the family. Make homemade goodies for the neighbors, visit a shut-in as a family, go Christmas caroling. Whatever you do, make sure to help your kids learn that the true spirit of Christmas is a spirit of generosity. (Of our time, our resources, and ourselves)

8. Take your scheduled time off. Whatever time you get off, take it, and maximize upon it. Don’t bring work home with you. Be fully present in those moments.

9. Decide as far in advance as possible how you will spend your time with the in-laws.  Organize with both sides of the family, and make your plans known in advance. This can save tons of stress in any family.

10. Remember why we celebrate in the first place. Keep Christ at the heart of Christmas.

The holidays can be the most peaceful or the most stressful time of the year, but it’s really up to us and what we make of it. This holiday season, choose to be proactive rather than reactive by doing these 10 things to keep the busyness of the season from getting the best of you.

If you agree, please share these 10 things with others!  Merry Christmas!

8 Reasons Your Kids are Misbehaving


Every parent deals with bad behavior from their kids from time to time.

I can remember a time in particular when one of our boys seemed to be repeatedly pushing his siblings and hitting them with whatever he happened to have in his hand at the moment.  What we came to realize was that he was actually playing out in real life what he had been recently exposed to through some action-packed video games and movies.

Sometimes, as parents, we’re guilty of thinking that our kids are just being bad when there may be more going on underneath the surface that we need to be paying attention to. So what are some of the reasons why kids misbehave?

While there may be many reasons for kids misbehaving, here are 8 that every parent must consider:

1. They have an irregular/unhealthy diet.

Bottom line – What kids eat has an effect on how they behave.  Doctors have been saying it for years, but it’s true – healthy eating encourages better behavior.

2. They have a lack of consistent discipline.

Yes, good old-fashioned discipline still works and is a cornerstone of practical and successful parenting. discipline may take on different forms for different families, but nonetheless, it’s…  Continue reading >>

BLACK FRIDAY DEAL – 6 for the price of 1

VBS that's Simple. Biblical. Affordable.

Orange Super Sale Letters. 3D Rendered Illustration.

Yes, we’re crazy!…  And we’ll probably never do this again, but between now and Monday, you can snag 6 of our VBS curriculum bundles for the price of just 1!

Because we know that many of you serve in the local children’s ministry of your church, we are making a special BLACK FRIDAY DEAL available to you through our sister site – KidzBlast.com.

Through Monday, you can get 6 of our VBS Curriculum Bundles for the price of just 1!

I’ll be honest, we’ve never done a deal this good before, and may never do it again.

These bundles can be used for VBS, Children’s Church, or Mid-Week Programs and retail for $50 each, but for the next few days, you can get 6 themes for less than $9 each.

Imagine having every lesson, every PowerPoint, every graphic, and every game you’ll need (not to mention all the other stuff you get) to conduct your entire VBS for next summer, all for less than $9 bucks?!  And you can do it for the next 6 years in a row!  Get real!

This deal only lasts through midnight on Cyber Monday, so get it while you can!  Or pass this on to the person in your church who needs to know about this amazing offer.

Our desire is to help you to be successful in reaching the children in your life.  We believe this is an additional way to help you do just that with quality materials that are simple, biblical, and affordable.


After you check out the deal, if you still have questions that I can help answer, please let me know. I’d be glad to help!

Don’t forget, this 6 for 1 price is only good through midnight on Monday.  Please Share to help spread the word!

Struggling to Be Disciplined?… Here’s Why

Understanding the great problem with discipline

“For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.”  Romans 7:19

“But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection…”  I Corinthians 9:27

Do you ever struggle with being disciplined?  Well, you’re in good company.


What is Discipline? – It’s one of the most valuable resources any person can possess to produce more and lasting results over long periods of time.  

But discipline obviously comes at a price and with some great challenges. 

Here are a few of those challenges that I find difficult to fight against, and I’m sure that you do to:

The greatest enemy to discipline… THE FLESH

The greatest enemy to discipline is the flesh.  This was the case for the Apostle Paul, and it is for us too.  Think about it, anytime you’re tempted not to be disciplined, it’s because your flesh is screaming at you to pursue an easier or more comfortable alternative.

  • When I know I should snack on those raw carrots, my flesh is screaming at me to dig into the gooey chocolate covered cake.
  • When it’s time to wake up and do the morning workout routine, my body is screaming at me to hit the snooze and stay in bed.
  • When it’s time to give my family the best of myself after a long day’s work, my flesh is screaming at me to sit in the recliner and do absolutely nothing.

The greatest enemy to discipline is our flesh.

I just finished a 12 week fitness program that focuses on resistance training to get your health and body back into shape.  And I’ll be honest, getting up on time each morning and forcing my body to do exercises I didn’t even know existed has taken some discipline.  My body screams “No”, but discipline keeps me saying “Yes”. 

I’ve determined that when it’s the difference between what I want now, or what I want most, discipline helps me continue to strive for what I want most.  And that requires that I kick my flesh in the rear end Every. Single. Day.

The main problem with discipline… IT’S NOT REUSABLE

The main problem with discipline is this – I can’t rely on yesterday’s discipline to carry me through today.

Discipline is not reusable.

It can’t be bought in a weekly or monthly dosage. As wonderful a thing as it is, it still must be chosen, one day, after the next, after the next.  Even though I successfully wake up on time and hit the exercise routine today, that does not guarantee anything for tomorrow.  I’ll have to make the same choice once again to deny my flesh, and force it to obey the next morning. 

The same is true with my daily devotions, my eating habits, and how I spend my time.  I have to be disciplined enough to choose those things daily.

Why?  Because you can’t recycle discipline.  

How often has the world seen a once young and fit athlete turn into something far from it in the later years of their life?  How often has a pastor who was once a spiritual giant become prey to addiction or a moral failure? How often has a once strong and vibrant marriage become stale and stagnant?

Somewhere along the way, someone got comfortable, even complacent, about who and where they were, and stopped disciplining themselves to continue becoming better (a better athlete, leader, husband, wife, etc.), and as a result, they actually became worse.  

Sadly, many people don’t realize how far worse they’ve actually become until it’s too late.

The valuable reminder of discipline… IT’S WORTH IT

The valuable reminder in all of this is that no one in any area of life just “stays where they are.”  Discipline is worth it because we are always constantly moving towards something, either forward or backwards.  Discipline helps us to make sure that we are moving forward. 

We are always becoming better or worse, something more or something less – in our homes… in our marriages… in our churches… in our health… in our attitude.  It all depends upon our daily steps that take us in one direction or the other. 

“Your steps today determine your direction tomorrow.”

And it all goes back to discipline.  Discipline of your body and your mind.

Paul struggled like you and I do with the discipline to live out the daily victorious Christian life. Yet he found a way to do it by combining the strength of the Spirit (in the mind) and the discipline of the flesh (in the body) to win this battle.  Who do we think we are to be able to do it any other way? 

But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.  Romans 7:23  

Jesus faced this same problem with the disciples’ failure to exercise discipline in the Garden of Gethsemane.  Jesus told them…

The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is week.  Matthew 26:41 

No matter how disciplined I was yesterday, I must choose it again today… and tomorrow… and the next day.  I must defeat discipline’s greatest enemy, my flesh (much of which takes place in my mind). 

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.  Philippians 4:13

Every step of discipline I take, moves me another step closer to where I want to be, and where God wants me to be.  Which begs us to ask these questions:

  • Where do I want to be, and where does God want me to be?
  • A year from now, five years from now… in my home, my health, my spiritual life?
  • And what steps in that direction am I disciplining myself to take on a daily basis to get there?

As they say, “No pain, no gain.”  But the difficulty of discipline now is so worth the benefits (both temporal and eternal) later! 

I’m an Adult!… Do I Still Have to Honor My Parents?

Are the commands of Eph. 6:1-3 applicable to grown children?

From the time many of us were in pre-school up until the time we moved out of the house, the principle of Ephesians 6:1-3 was engrained within us – That it’s right for children to obey and to honor their parents.  

I don’t think that any of us would question this truth or its importance. 


We now teach it to our children, as well as the accompanying promises that go with it – That God promises not only a Better life (“that it may be well with thee”), but also a Longer life (“thou mayest live long on the earth”) to those who follow this command.

These promises are given by God to anyone who prioritizes obedience and honor towards their parents.

BUT… What about adult children? 

Do these commands and principles still apply to those who have grown up and now may have families of their own?  Am I, as a grown man, still responsible to obey and to honor my parents?

Well, the answer is quite simple – Yes, and No.

While a child’s obedience is a Biblical requirement for as long as they’re living in their parents home, a child’s honor is a requirement for as long as their parents are living. 

It’s important to understand the difference between obedience and honor:

  • Obedience is submission given to a God-given authority.  
  • Honor is respect shown towards a God-given position.
  • Obedience can be limited by age or the seasons of life.
  • Honor transcends age throughout all the seasons of life.
  • Obedience is done out of a required duty. (Children are to obey simply because it’s right.)
  • Honor is done out of a desire to show respect. (Children & adults who want to respect those who’ve given them life.)

Once a child leaves home and becomes an adult, they are no longer under the parental authority of their mom and dad. (Genesis 2:24)  As a result, obedience is no longer a command or requirement for the adult child, nor something that should be a parent’s expectation of their adult child.  

This doesn’t mean that a parent can no longer speak wisdom into their life, but simply that the there is no biblical obligation for them to submit in obedience. 

Honor on the other hand, it quite different. 

Because honor transcends age, honor is to be given for a lifetime.

If you’re still living, you’re still choosing… As long as a child is still alive, they have the ability and choice to either honor or dishonor their parents, thus making the promises of a better and longer life still in effect.  

But you don’t know what has happened to me…

Many would ask the question – “But you don’t know how my parents have hurt me, scarred me, or wounded me deeply.  How can I possibly give them honor?” 

It is believed that 9 out of 10 adult children have a “father wound” (parent pain) that they have carried into their adulthood and still deal with. 

This raises a very important question – “Does any pain caused by our parents in the past ever lessen or negate God’s command for us to honor them in the present?”

Sadly, we’re facing an epidemic in our society of adults who feel justified in refusing to give honor to their parents. Many of them have alienated themselves from their parents, they have become unwilling to make amends, and they are content with having a distant relationship, if any relationship at all. (Sometimes, this can go both ways.)  

However, I believe that God knew when He gave the words of Exodus 20:12, Deut. 5:16, and Eph. 6:1-3, that obedience and honor towards our parents would not always come easily. Think about it…

  • Obedience is often the greatest struggle for a child in the home.
  • Honor is often the greatest struggle for many adults once they leave home.

Neither one requires a full understanding, but both ultimately require obedience to God.

  • We are to obey our parents as children because it’s the right thing to do.
  • We are to honor our parents as adults out of obedience as well simply because God commands it.

I know that you’ve been hurt.  I know that things weren’t always, and still aren’t perfect in your relationship.  I know that for some, the pain you’ve experienced seems unbearable.  But honor is a gift you give by choice, out of obedience.  

Honor doesn’t have to be deserved…

Honor is not a gift that has to be given because it is deserved.  Often, we have the wrong thinking that honor (respect) has to be earned.  But that is not completely true.  While respect can be earned, and even should be earned, respect can also be given… Given because of someone’s position.  Given out of obedience to God.  Given out of a genuine desire for receiving the promises.  Given to others as it has been given to each of us.

Meditate upon these verses:

Romans 5:8  But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

II Cor. 5:21  For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

II Cor. 8:9  For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich.

I John 4:10  Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Think of all that you and I did to Christ, and how He still honored us to the highest point possible by becoming our sin and granting us the greatest symbol of respect – His own personal righteousness.

Christ loved us when we least deserved it.  Christ honored us by putting us in His rightful and righteous position.  Christ respected us when we least deserved such respect. 


Honor is closely tied to so many other Biblical principles – forgiveness, humility, kindness, not returning evil for evil, unselfishness, mercy, grace, compassion, understanding.  That is what God did for us through Jesus, and that is a beautiful picture of what God wants us to do towards our parents.  

  • You may have had wonderful parents who did things right, and a wonderful relationship with them even today – Honor them.
  • You may have had parents who made some big mistakes, and there is a lingering parent pain there – Honor them.  
  • You may have parents who have hurt you terribly, by what they did or failed to do, and your relationship is distant, maybe even non-existent.  I challenge you.  God challenges you. – Honor them.

Christ came to us.  We didn’t come to Him.  Christ loved us first.  We must choose to love Him back.

I John 4:19  We love him, because he first loved us.

The same is true of our parents.  Our parents also loved us first.  It may just be time for the shoe to be worn on the other foot. 

Someone correctly put it this way… “Love your parents.  We are so busy growing up, we often forget that they’re also growing old.”  It’s important to remember that there is coming a time all too soon when we won’t be able to personally give them honor anymore. 

If you’re an adult with parents still living, are you giving them the life-long honor that God requires?  Can you claim the better and longer life promises that God has offered to you?  

If you’re a parent with children still at home, think ahead… what are you doing right now that could potentially cause a parent pain in your child’s heart and life someday?

God created you to love and honor your parents, both now and forever. Regardless of what they have or haven’t done, they gave you life, and they loved you before you even knew how to love yourself.   Are you returning the favor?  

How to Bless Your Child With the Gift of Thankfulness

Simple reminders for developing a life-long attitude of gratitude

Have you ever encountered this scenario in your home?…  Your kids go into the kitchen for a snack. They open up the cupboards, move around all the boxes, bags, and cans of food trying to find something to eat, and then make this amazing declaration, “There ain’t nothing to eat in this house!”

Oh, my… how I wish I could say that’s never happened in our house before 🙂

November is considered “Thanksgiving” month, but we all know that thanksgiving is not something to be limited to one month out of the year, but something that needs to be present all year round in our families and our homes.

But is it?  How do we cultivate a lifestyle of thankfulness that lasts all year round and ultimately becomes a part of the fabric of our children’s character for life?

Here are some suggestions or reminders for how to bless your kids with the life-long gift of thankfulness:

  1. Don’t give them everything they want.  Overly spoiled kids are usually not overly grateful kids.  It’s important to remember that we do well for both our kids and ourselves not to give them everything their hearts desire.  Some of the biggest enemies to a thankful heart are materialism, instant gratification, and always getting what we want.  However, some of the greatest assets to developing a thankful heart are discipline, delayed gratification, and hard work.
  2. Take whining and complaining very seriously.  Philippians 2:14 is a great verse to memorize and remind each other of as a family.  God commands us to “Do all things without murmurings and disputings.”  And if God commands it, we would do well to require it in our homes.  Give the members of your family permission to quote this verse to each other when needed, and establish some incentives and/or consequences in your home for when thankfulness is displayed or found lacking.
  3. Regularly serve and expose them to people with less.  There are so many ways that you can do this, but here are just a few ideas:
    • Find families with less that you can serve or give to during the holiday season.
    • Volunteer your family’s time to serve in a ministry at your church or in your community.
    • Save up some money and take your kids on a mission’s trip to open their eyes to how blessed they are.
    • Encourage your kids to look for ways to be generous to other children with what they have.
    • The more our children are exposed to others with less, the more easily they will develop a gracious attitude towards them, as well as a greater gratitude towards God.
  4. Make family prayer a time of giving thanks, not just a time of asking.  Every family would do well to have times of family prayer beyond just praying around the dinner table. Make family prayer a time to celebrate God’s goodness and kindness in your lives. Every once in a while, take time to pray as a family without asking for anything at all, but spending all of your prayer time allowing each person to only pray for what they are thankful for.  Prayer and thanksgiving are often closely linked in Scripture, and for good reason. (Phil. 4:6, Col. 4:2)
  5. Be a thankful person yourself.  No matter what else you do to try and raise thankful children, if you fail to be a thankful person yourself, actions will always speak louder than words.  I’m absolutely amazed sometimes at both the little and big things that kids imitate from their parents, from simple things like mannerisms to more important things like attitudes and character traits.  Never forget that your children are simply mini versions of you.  Whatever you are becoming, so are they.  Be a thankful person.

If you’re serious about blessing your kids with the gift of thankfulness, here’s a great place to start… As a family, commit one or all of these verses to memory in the month of November.

Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.  Psalm 100:4

O Come, let us sing unto the Lord: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.  Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms.  For the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods.  Psalm 95:1-3

In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.  I Thessalonians 5:18

As a help, here’s a Free PDF that you can save or print to help your family commit these verses to memory this month.