Talking to Your Kids About Purity, Sex, and Relationships

It’s inevitable… It’s going to happen… and you know it. You’re child is going to ask you THAT question. Ya, you know, the one you’re not going to have a good answer for because it has to do with sex.


A while back, my four year old randomly asked me on his way to school, “Daddy, how do the doctor’s get the babies out of their mommy’s tummy?”  I tried to explain it in a way a four year old could understand, but after giving him all but satisfactory answers, I said, “Son, I don’t think I know how to answer that question.”  To which he quickly replied, “C’mon, Dad, you know Everything.”  Well…

Have you been there as a parent? Believe me, I’m sure that will only be the first of his many questions over the years, especially when he becomes a preteen(10-12 year old). I know, because we’re currently raising two of them.


So when is the best time to start talking to your kids about purity, sex, and boy/girl relationships? In my opinion, it needs to be an ongoing conversation from the time they are very young all the way through their teenage years.

Parents are naive to think that they can put off talking to their kids about some of life’s most important issues until they’re teenagers, and then expect them to listen and heed their advice. It doesn’t work that way.

Kids, and especially preteens, are already grappling with these adult-sized issues, and their beliefs about them will be developed and determined during this current stage of their life. But the problem arises when parents fail to take advantage of the window of opportunity given to them while their child is still just that – a child.

Your preteen is at an age where mom or dad is still a hero in their eyes. They greatly respect what you say and believe, whether you think so or not. Yet, there is coming a time in the very near future, when they’re not going to be nearly as attentive to what you have to say and what you think, either coming from you as a parent, or possibly even from the Bible.

That’s why we must grasp the importance of talking to our kids about these important and even difficult life and moral issues before they hit the teenage years.

A few years ago, we asked the preteens in our Sunday class to write down one question they would ask their parents if there was no question that was off-limits. Here were some of their responses:

  • Could I have a friend that’s a boy. Just a friend?
  • How old were you when you started dating?
  • Mom, do you love my dad, please tell me the truth?
  • How old were you when you went through puberty?
  • How old were you when you were pregnant with me?
  • How old were you when you first got pregnant?
  • Were you a virgin when you got married?

It was obvious from many of the questions we received, that the preteens were grappling with real life issues about purity, sex, and relationships.


Why is it that so many of us as parents stay silent on the issue when our kids are craving to know answers? It’s certainly not because we’re intentionally waiting for them to be taught it by the media, the school system, or their same-aged friends, yet that is the inevitable result if we stay silent.

If we wait until they’re teenagers to start discussing these issues, not only have we made our job harder and put them at a disadvantage, but by that time, they’ve already heard it and seen it from the world’s perspective. And as we all know, first impressions are always the strongest. The last thing you need as a parent is an unnecessary battle to change your child’s mind on these issues because someone else convinced them of something else first.

Even right now, if we’re honest with ourselves, our kids probably know more than we know they know. We started talking to our kids about these issues when they were young, but that hasn’t prevented them from being exposed to some things over the years that have been completely out of our control. We wanted them to hear it first from us, and that’s proven to have been very beneficial.

Kids are dropping off the Christian bandwagon faster than the church can keep up, and many of them are dropping off the virginity wagon at alarming rates as well. And while we desire to slow those rates down, as Christian parents, our goal for our kids can’t just be virginity, it must be purity, and there’s a big difference! Technical virginity may give a person boasting rights, but it means very little to God if a person cannot claim Biblical purity.

“If your only goal is kids that stay out of jail and don’t get pregnant, you’ll parent much differently than those whose goal is to have children serving God.”


I’d like to introduce you to a resource that we have used for the past four years as a weekend getaway for moms, dads, and their preteens. It’s called Passport2Purity from Dennis and Barbara Rainey at Family Life.

Never in the history of America has it been more crucial for parents to inform and educate their children on intimate issues of life from a Biblical perspective than it is now. And I’ve never found a resource that is easier or more effective for preparing your preteen for adolescence and a lifestyle of purity than Passport2Purity.

It amazingly makes the whole process simple, fun, effective, and memorable. It literally sets you up as the hero in your child’s eyes and opens the door for future conversation about these important issues. If you’re a parent of a preteen, I would highly recommend that you check it out.

Whether you choose to use the Passport2Purity resource or some other tool, let me encourage you to start the conversation. You’ll be glad you did. Your kids will be glad you did. And future generations can one day thank you for it.

Preparing your kids for a lifetime of purity starts with this… Break the silence.  Start the Conversation!

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.